DISGUST

I have previously written about transgression and the pushing of aesthetic boundaries, and especially transgression in relation to the body. This topic has a practical application for the magician and for the whore. I will address that here. 

Disgust is where the rubber meets the road. Some psychologists divide disgust into physical disgust and moral disgust. Physical disgust is related to disease, dirt, and breaching the boundaries of the body as I have described previously. Disgust also arises when we are reminded of our animal natures. Moral disgust relates to transgressive behaviour, and it is closely related to anger or a sense of outrage. Presumably both types of disgust kick in when the police detective discovers the mutilated bodies of the serial killer's victims. It is this place where moral and physical disgust meet, that we can do our work. 

Those who are more sensitive to disgust trend more conservative in their politics, and even those who aren't usually conservative become more so when confronted with disgust. Disgust protects us from disease and contamination and when we think of other people who are not like us, or the Other, as being a contamination, we experience disgust and are more able to dehumanize those others. That sense of protection afforded to us by disgust thus is highly contextual and is often manipulated by those who are homophobic or racist, for example. This is one reason racism and homophobia are so damned hard to rise above. 

There is a current trend towards cleanliness and purity which reflects this conservatism. Clean eating is an example of this, or orthorexia, which is an eating disorder (not yet in the DSM) that arises out of the drive to eat only the correct foods. Our bodies are a warm mess of fluids and chemicals. The word 'flesh' is slightly onomatopoeic. Say it over and over and feel yourself wince. Reminders of our fleshiness brings disgust. Such reminders also tell us about our mortality. Meditating on death is powerful and life-affirming, and a good way to start with that is with the body. I have written previously about the boundaries of the body and the dangers of breaching those, and how problematic are substances that are neither one thing nor another, like stickiness.

Purity politics is to moral disgust what clean eating is to physical disgust. Purity of race or heritage or culture is nonsensical and yet is has a powerful emotional pull. We can relate to the Other with acceptance and openness, or we can allow disgust to guide us. Differences in ability can kick our disgust reflexes as well. For magical purposes, learn to do better.

I urge the utmost ethical clarity and care. All people are valuable and none more so than another. The hubris of many magicians bores me at the same time as it worries me. It is no coincident that many magicians are right wing. I can tell you, the universe is not rolling in ecstasy at your feet. When you sit down it is not night. You get out what you put in, and when you extend your senses and sensibilities as I suggest, you will get - extended senses and sensibilities. These are very useful in making your Will work for you, and they also in the end make you more compassionate. We are whole people. We are joined as humanity by our lofty ideals, but also, even more so, by our sufferings and our flaws and the grind of the day in the body and mind. We are human beings having a human experience.

The place where moral and physical disgust meets happens fairly often in sex work. Try this mental exercise: imagine the person who you are least attracted to. I don't mean in a horror movie sort of way, just a real life type of person who represents something truly unattractive to you. Someone where you would go, oh my god no, no way. And then imagine that it is your job to have sex with them. Not just sex, but enthusiastic, caring, memorable sex. In this case both your moral and physical disgust sensors have gone off. Here is a man before you and he has paid you good money and you are with him for a whole hour. He is single long term and you instantly know why. He is not dirty or sick or dysmorphic, particularly, and he is not trying to do anything violent or illegal or painful, so there is no good reason to send him away - but - no. Just no. So you gird your loins and learn to find the good in him, and you both learn something. 

The activation of the disgust reflex is a boundary. When you take on that man as a client, you cross that boundary, and you do it deliberately, and often you put some other boundaries in place as well. I will do this, but not that, you say. 

This is not unique to sex work. Many service roles involve at least getting up to the disgust reflex boundary. Nursing is a great example. What happens is that you push the boundary out. What used to be disgusting is now just a day at the office. You just pack the abscess or clean the shit. You become desensitized. I consider this different from crossing the boundary. I am interested not in ignoring or accommodating disgust, but in working with it. Magic is always deliberate and reflective. See the boundary, experience the boundary, cross it, look back on it. Each time, you are a bigger person. 

My clients who were submissives would often ask me to 'push their boundaries'. It is a common requirement when looking for a mistress. Pushing boundaries leaves a lot to interpretation. 'I said push my boundaries, but not like that'. This is classic 'topping from the bottom'. I think it can be subverted by the notion of crossing boundaries, actual transgressing, which means to carry across. First you need to know where your boundaries are, so that is all to be explored. Then there is a liminal pause, where the sub can decide what to leave behind. Then the crossing, then the repercussions. If you start off not knowing where your boundaries are, effectively you have none. I started off like that, thinking I was open to everything. Disgust is an almost perfect guide to what your boundaries are. 

Magician Austin Osman Spare used to practice playing with disgust by having sex with people who he found physically repulsive. (I kinda feel for them, like imagine saying afterwards 'Austin, I thought you liked me'!) Aleister Crowley also employed a deliberately eclectic sexual practice. It amuses me to think that any compassionate and wise whore can compete with that. 

Summarizing, use your innate sense of physical and moral disgust to teach you where your boundaries are. Reflect and pause. Cross those boundaries without accommodating them to the status quo or ignoring them. Be ethical and wise especially when it involves other souls. Once you have crossed the boundary, done the thing, you are a bigger person. 

Blessings on you, gentle reader.