WHY SEX IS MAGICAL (BECAUSE IT IS)

In the last posts about the intersection of sex and magic I have hinted at why I think sex is magical. Now I will be more explicit. 

All sex is magical. Sex is a spark of magic, a moment, a flicker that vanishes in an instant. Mostly we are unaware of that. All over the world, even as you read this, people are seeking and craving and demanding just that one spark. But they waste it, let it vanish, like the flick of a lighter that doesn't catch. Imagine if we were more conscious about that. Imagine if we used that spark, rode it, controlled it, let it change us. 

Sex is magical for at least four reasons. 

The first is that it is energetic. It is a more or less conscious use of energy, in your own field or a shared field. It is as energetic as any form of bodywork. When you are aware of this you are more able to keep yourself safe and also more able to use the energy to enhance pleasure or pain or power. When I was a sex worker I spent a lot of time in my clients' energetic fields. This had many implications. I would have spontaneous experiences of their psychic lives, their ancestry perhaps, on occasion at the moment of their orgasm. I could become a little mediumistic. Mostly I kept this to myself. At times I used it to my advantage, such as making up some romantic stories about past lives that might keep my clients interested and stroke their egos. Another implication of this kind of energy sharing was that I needed to keep myself clean. I learned to align my own chakras fairly often so that I did not get too tangled up in my clients' motivations and hopes and fears and deceits. I sought the blessing of my Red Goddess at the start of each day of work. I also used my understanding of energy exchange just to keep up heightened interest and arousal. And for vampirism. Of which more later. 

Another reason is that sex is meaningful. It is not like other activities. Other activities can be meaningful of course, but if they are meaningful in the way that sex is, then they are erotic. A foot massage means one thing to me, and one thing to a foot fetishist. For the fetishist, it is erotic. So I am talking about a particular sort of meaning that is emotionally invested, sensually heightened, and redolent with memory. Sex never happens without deep context and this must be respected. This in itself is magical. 

I may distinguish this here from sexual porn. I have no objection to porn and I have used it myself to learn about techniques. I am aware that younger men particularly are very informed by porn and this gives them unrealistic ideas about women. Sex workers themselves notice this issue. The word porn has broadened its meaning in interesting and useful ways. We talk about food porn house porn or ruin porn. C Thi Nguyen and Bekka Williams discuss this in their article on what they call moral outrage porn.

'We offer a definition adapted from earlier accounts of sexual pornography. On our account, a representation is used as generic porn when it is engaged with primarily for the sake of a gratifying reaction, freed from the usual costs and consequences of engaging with the represented content.'

They go on to say that 

 'when using porn is wrong, it is often wrong because it instrumentalizes what ought not to be instrumentalized'.

 My hunch is that attempts at freeing sex from the costs and consequences of engagement are also attempts to make it meaningless. This does violence to the nature of sex, even if it is possible at all. I think there is something behind the this apparent to instrumentalize what ought not to be instrumentalized. It is probably fairly desperate, archaic and soaked in guilt and fear. No wonder porn can be arid and disappointing. 

So much for meaning. Sex is also magical because it is about ritual. The obvious ritual is courtship. We get dressed for a date, changing our appearance and looking our best. We attempt a memorable experience. We eat special food and we dance. All of these can be ritual actions. They are formalized and conscious.

Imagine a ritual to the god Cernunnos. I take the skull of a deer and walk into the forest. I place those things on the ground, and scatter nuts and seeds and special flowers for the god. I sprinkle Jagermeister on the ground and drink some. I Speak to the god using poetic language, request his gnosis, and await what comes. I have a relationship with this deity and I trust him.  Now imagine a bedroom scene. I am wearing special clothing, high heeled boots and a red leotard. I restrain my sub to a St Andrews cross with special red leather cuffs I use only for him. I flog him with a cat o nine tails, and I get him to count the lashes. I praise him, tell him he is a good boy and release him. This is deeply meaningful for both of us, as for him he has met my challenge and pushed his boundaries and for me it is both loving service and enormous fun. It's a ritual, right? From a structural functionalist point of view, there are important similarities. 

So sex is magical because it is energetic, meaningful and ritualistic. It is magical also because it changes states of consciousness, but I will discuss that next time. 

The brilliant thing about all of this is that magic is everywhere sex is. You can do magic. I don't use a capital m or spell it with a k because we can all do it. Some of us are better or worse at it, but it is a stream we can all step into. The tools we need are consciousness, empathy, and nerve.  

As always, blessings on you, gentle reader